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December 9, 2011

Let me start off by letting you know that Kara is not my real name. It’s what people have been calling me ever since, yes. But, my real name is Kristela Angela Sevilla Pangilinan. Where did Kara come from? I really have no idea.

I’m 16 years old, an incoming senior in high school, and until now, I find that fact pretty hard to believe. In some clinics, my height is 5’1 and in others, it’s 5’2. So, I just say 5’2 because it makes me feel taller, and less prone to teasing and bullying. But, well, it never worked. I’m still a target all the time. No matter how much I eat, I can never seem to get past a hundred pounds. It’s been my “goal weight” for the longest time. Trust me though, I like eating. I really, really like eating.

Many people know me as “the singer girl” and I can’t blame them. But, many times, I wish they knew more than just that about me. But, don’t get me wrong. It’s true. I am a “singer girl.” Singing, and performing in general, is and always will be a huge part of me. But, it’s something I do for fun, not something I’d want to do for a living.

Also, my family makes up a huge part of who I am. We’re a lot closer than most families. I love them and I’m incredibly lucky to have them. Enough said.

I consider myself more mature than others in some ways, but I also know that I’m a KID in many other ways. For example, even if my faith in God is as solid as a rock, and I’m old enough to know that monsters aren’t real, I still cannot handle horror movies. But, despite that, I love the thrill of real-life adventures. I like camping outdoors, exploring abandoned buildings, going through jungles and the like. Ironic, I know. There are a lot of other ironic or contradicting things in my personality that even took me a while to understand. I’m weird, I know.

When people say that I’m “active”, they don’t mean it in the sporty way. Sports and I don’t jive so much because I can’t seem to get into anything without coming out with anything broken or damaged. My health and body situation is more complicated than you can ever imagine. But, I usually have my hands full all the time. I keep myself busy with a lot of things. So, resting and I don’t jive either. Bumming around is something I can never do with ease because, well, I just don’t like wasting time and I feel the need to be productive all the time. Well, I try.

My mind is more active than my body will ever be. I think a lot. Because of that, I always have a lot to say about everything. I know that I will always find it difficult to explain things without the little details, to keep my opinions or “kwentos” short, or to… stop talking in general. This essay is a good example. (Sorry, yes I know. Time to wrap up!)

I’m very optimistic. It gets weird sometimes. I can manage to be both happy and sad at the same time by simply choosing to focus on the bright side. Everything is a choice, I believe. Happiness. Love. Obedience. We can choose to be happy, and to love and to obey. This belief got me through a whole lot already.

I guess I don’t know exactly who I am or exactly what I want. There are a lot of things I am still unsure of, and my opinions on certain things and even people change every now and then. I could go on and on about how much I know, and don’t know about myself. Like I said, I find it hard to stop talking, or writing, in this case. But even if there’s so much that I want to say, I’m just gonna… stop.

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