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Talk About Complex

January 8, 2012

For the brave men who have chosen to venture into the journey to the woman of their dreams, keep in mind that you will face challenges of the most mysterious sort. You’ll need to deal with all the complexities that are part of the package; her mood swings, her mind games, her unspoken sentiments and all those quirks. If you’re one of the unlucky ones, you may even encounter what could possibly be the biggest obstacle of all… her pride. Never underestimate a woman. Her pride can make her do the unimaginable.

Yes, it’s that intense.

And so, for the girls and those who want so badly to understand them, let’s play a game. I’ll give a specific feeling that I’ve experienced more than once in my life, and you think to yourself if it’s something you’ve ever felt.

– Being embarrassed because of a thought or feelingYou think it’s pathetic to think or feel something but, you can’t help but think or feel it anyway.

– Not being able to admit something to yourself but, being fully aware of its presence at the back of your mind, the safe, secret place you’ve forced it into.

– Getting annoyed at yourself for getting annoyed at something someone else does or doesn’t do because again, it’s supposedly pathetic to feel that.

– Trying so hard to be a stone but, getting too guilty to follow through.

Contradicting yourself to the maximum level. You say something but, do something else. Or worse; you think/ know/ believe something but, feel something else. And you always feel like hanging yourself afterwards but, you do it anyway.

– Saying something, keeping what you really want to say inside, expecting the other person to read your mind, and getting disappointed when they aren’t able to.

– Secretly hoping that they’ll know exactly what you want because you can’t bring yourself to mention it.

 Secretly caring (maybe even caring too much) and wanting so much to keep that a secret for fear of making it known that that side of you exists, and of being called or thought of as that kind of person.

– Not being able to ask them for help because well… its a pride thing.

Sounds familiar?

Those are the things I hate about being a girl.
You can’t avoid them. It’s woman nature.
This next part may apply to all women, some or maybe, just me.

But, in the end it all boils down to PRIDE.

I’ve always had an active desire to keep a strong, unbreakable front. Many years ago, I built a strong fort around myself , for my own protection, and it has served its purpose for all these years and then suddenly, someone breaks in and immediately serves as a threat to my entire hypothetical security system. Impossible. Unacceptable. I feel a perfectly horrible mix of failure, defeat, and shame. However, lying above those emotions is a rather thick layer of denial. 

Denial? Yes. Life would be much simpler if women swallowed their pride and simply thought less of things. A friend of mine told me that my problem was, I thought too much.

“If you’re happy, say it. If you’re sad, say it.”
Now, wouldn’t that be much easier? For everybody?

Why oh why we’re women cursed with such a complicated way of thinking?
Many times, we say NO when we want to say YES.
We say MAYBE when we want to say NO.
We say we don’t care when we actually do.
We say we’re fine when we’re actually not at all.
We say many things we don’t mean, hoping that someone will be able to read our minds and give us exactly what we want or need without us having to ask it from them. 

Asking makes us feel needy.
Pathetic.
Weak.

Admitting certain things makes us feel needy.
Pathetic.
Weak.

Showing some emotions makes us feel needy.
Pathetic.
Weak.

And for those with the aforementioned pride, those things simply make us feel bad about ourselves. Those things require a huge, conscious effort. Seconds before asking, admitting or showing things, it feels as though our hearts are begging for people (or for a specific person) to offer, to understand and to accept. Seconds after, it feels as if we committed a crime against ourselves. Like we betrayed ourselves. It feels like we gave in. Like our strong, unbreakable forts have caved in and tumbled down.

It’s a horrible feeling.

Which is why we try to avoid it.

And that is what makes everything so complicated.

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