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March 14, 2011

March 13, 2012
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“Breathing heavily, I convinced myself that this was going to be the last thing I’d ever have to do. And although I somehow knew that I was most likely wrong, I held on to that thought the whole time.

…As with most cases, the fear was worse than the actual thing. I was squeezing my mom’s fingers as they punctured my spine. And my tears were involuntarily rolling down from my eyes. The pain was obviously there, but I prepared myself for worse. 

…Before I knew it, the procedure was over. ” – The Optimist

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It’s been exactly one year since my first lumbar puncture.

Funny how something can be so big of a deal at one point in your life, and a dissolved thing of the past in another. Although some experiences leave scars that no amount of time can erase, there will come a point where you’ll feel a certain numbness.

“Yes. It happened. But, it’s over and things are different now.”

There used to be moments wherein the mere thought of all the pain I felt would be enough to bring me to tears. However, I noticed that as time goes by, it gets harder for me to remember. I have to make an effort to recall the emotions, the pain and the thoughts that went through my head. But, even if I forget all the details of the whole experience, I will always remember what it taught me.

For a long while now, I’ve been stressing out over different projects and deadlines. Complaining, maybe a little. Or a lot. But today, I saw the date. And I was reminded that exactly a year ago, I was practically stripped of my right to be stressed. I was forced to stop all stress – inducing activities, which barely left me with anything. In my stress, I complain but, when stripped of it, I want it back. Such a typical human – being thing for me to do.

I don’t have any more to say, actually. The fact that it’s been a year just caused a few thoughts to surface. And for the one billionth time, I realized just how thankful I am to have been given another shot at life… another chance to live the best way I can. 🙂

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